Lost in the desert! The only hope for survival lies in a ruined city rising out of the sands. Food, water, and wealth await heroic adventurers inside an ancient pyramid ruled by a strange race of masked beings.

When I started writing about The Delvers, my second post mentioned Jason Cone’s (aka Philotomy) campaign log. It was like a good book I could jump back into when I had a quiet moment to relax. No new entries were ever added, but that did not stop my enjoyment of the session reports on three separate occasions.

At the end of 2012, it was gone. Like The Lost City, it was swallowed by the sands of time.

But, rising out of the internets are the steps of Philotomy’s ziggurat; restored for those who wish to delve into this ancient ruin once hidden by the desert sands and inhabited by masked societies.

Shall ye enter?

Sue pointed out that I said “Keep characters” and not “Tomb of Horrors characters” in Paradox and Juxtaposition. I was thinking of the correct characters, but I referenced the wrong session. Oops.

I have since updated the show notes for that episode.

Prompted by our discussion, Sue and I made a list of all the PCs and NPCs, various one-shots and campaigns, who was present when and so forth. I took the results and created the timeline below.

• Only NPCs that show up in different time periods are listed; in some cases PCs are NPCs in other sessions.
• A character roster vertical with another character roster of a different session took place roughly around the same time (e.g. Braeburn & Aloe, the guards referenced in Paradox and Juxtaposition, are vertical as PCs and NPCs).
• Two vertical rosters do not necessarily mean the same location in Greyhawk.
• Left is further in Greyhawk’s past; right is further in Greyhawk’s future.
• The top is December 2010, which leads down to the beginning of March 2013.

Tess suggested I make a larger version.

If you have read my previous San Checks, you probably gathered that I have strong opinions. Has my opinion changed now that WotC has released the PDFs of previous editions?

At some point, I read that WotC once sold PDFs of previous editions and later pulled them. This was drama I missed. I had what I needed to play, so it did not matter. This last thought was short sighted of me.

`but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.’
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

When I started gaming with The Delvers, I realized if the girls decided to carry on with this hobby they could not rely on my books. So, we moved to Labyrinth Lord, the retro-clone of the best version of D&D. A better D&D than the game it was based on.

I did not turn to Labyrinth Lord because I believe WotC is some “big evil empire.” I love to support people, products and companies I believe in.

The opposite is true as well. I loved going to the Alice and Wonderland themed Fry’s (there is a Fry’s closer to where I live and I went out of my way!), but on one occasion I received poor service at this location. I quietly let the manager know. I was not ranting and raving in his face. I was calm and straightforward. Based on his reaction to the employee in question, I decided that I would not go there again. Ever.

He was not phased.

Every Time You Say Indie

You do not need to be “small and independent” for me to care about you. Although, my best investments have been Dwarf Fortress, Red Letter Media and Barrowmaze II, arguably small and independent ventures.

Since this site is RPG focused, I mention Barrowmaze a lot. My links to purchase Barrowmaze throughout this site are not referral links where I get paid pennies on the click. They are me saying, “OMFG! You need to own this!” with all the emotions that comes with true fandom. I even created a game in order to give out copies of Barrowmaze.

I wanted to spend my money, so you could own Barrowmaze. That is not rational.

Put another way, you know that feeling you get inside when you hit play on Evil Dead II or Troll II or Birdemic or whatever, because the foolish person in the center of the couch has never seen it before and you just need to share it with them?

Like that. That excitement of something you truly enjoy is what drives my support for things like Dwarf Fortress, RLM and BM II.

I am just a fan.

You Can’t Piss on Hospitality

I understand everyone lies. I do not believe the importance of when and how to lie is taught enough. When it comes to gaming, deception is a very useful skill. In role-playing games, the best Dungeon Master is the best bullshitter.

But, WotC is like a former friend who lied too many times and for the nth time asks for forgiveness (and never directly).  You do not keep those friends. You move on to people you trust. It is sound advice to cut off ties with a person who has mislead you in a negative fashion on more than one occasion, let alone pissed all over your food.

Sandy Claws

Mike Mearls, the lead developer for D&D 4E R&D cries, “We fucked up! I get it now! Will you help us fund 5E?” Well, he did not say those exact words (that would have been honest, direct and appreciated!). He did tweet, “My favorite part of my job is, by far, the days I feel like Santa Claus, all working for a year+ in advance to one day make people happy.”

Trying to make people happy when you cannot see the point is a failed endeavor.

You are a fool to trust someone who has burned you more than once and you are a fool for getting back together for the nth time with a liar.

I can forgive a friend that makes a mistake, just like I hope they forgive me when I screw up. But, Mike Mearls is not my friend and WotC is not a company I will support. Ever.

This will not phase them.

Get Off My Lawn

Maybe you are more forgiving than I am. Maybe I am just stubborn, so stupidly stubborn that I will drive on an empty tank passed that gas station, because the other gas station has better service even if it is ten miles down the road and I might end up walking. Barefoot. In the snow. Uphill. Both ways.

Either way I am buying gas.

I am not better than you for it.

The first episode of The Delvers’ Podcast is uploaded: TD001: The Keep

This is a weekly podcast, but I will release the first three episodes daily.

As an aside, The Delvers had no idea the Bastion of the Boglings was a one-shot. I wasn’t keeping that knowledge from them. I did mention it. I think they just assumed it was a new campaign.

Knowing this, you might think the girls would have made different choices. You’ll have to trust me when I say that it would have played out the same way.

I hope you find the podcast entertaining.

Since the 2000 Coppers promo is out, I wanted to share the cover art for The Delvers’ Podcast. If you’re wondering why it is so large, iTunes now recommends a scale of 1400×1400. Which is cool, I guess, but pixel art does not scale well at random sizes.

You may see what I am referring to below. The cover art is scaled to fit this post, so the top and bottom portions appear blurred, but the central cassette does not.

The blurring effect does not occur on most mobile devices, but, fair warning: do not click on the image if you’re on a mobile device. It will enlarge to 1400×1400.

I left out the hidden rooms, halls and secret passages related to the dungeon puzzles in the top header.

As an aside, I recently added a “2000 Coppers” claim to the hidden treasure list. The clue is appropriately found in a journal entitled Expedition to Dwimmermount.

Beware of Giant Rats!

Since my last post, I have been working on a podcast for The Delvers. More on that in a moment.

I wanted to quickly address the speed of this site. I knocked out a few WordPress plugins that were causing headaches and I made a few changes. The site still runs a bit slow, but I did take down the warning on the front page.

In the meantime, I have been busy working on The Delvers’ Podcast.

The Delvers’ Podcast?

Playing with The Delvers always reminds me why I spent so much of my time playing tabletop games as a kid. Playing with my two girls and their mom is new and nostalgic all in one big clusterfuck. It’s awesome.

I love sharing The Delvers’ actual play experience, but even with a summer break from the game, I could not keep up the pace when writing the actual play posts. Creating a podcast seemed the logical solution.

Because of the current site issues, the podcast will be hosted at burnedfx.com.

TL;DR

The Delvers’ Podcast is not a 4 hour recording of EVERYTHING at the table chopped up into 20 minutes segments.

If you’ve enjoyed the actual play reports here, please check out burnedfx.com and subscribe to receive notifications of new episodes.

I will make an announcement on both sites when the podcast goes live.

Bonus

All Barrowmaze products are on sale until Boxing Day!

In October The Delvers went into full swing gaming. On the same weekend the City of Thieves expansion, the Mansion of Madness expansion, and Barrowmaze II all arrived on our doorstep!

First of all, this is not so much a “Sorry for the lack of updates,” but it most definitely is a, “Sorry this site is so painfully slow!”

I am having a difficult time with the site’s back-end. I have been trying to figure out what is causing these issues. From work and at home, this site can take more than a minute to load! This is unacceptable. I want to correct this asap.

I have gone back and forth via email with my hosting company. Fortunately, it is not the hosting company. I have narrowed it down to a few plug-ins in wordpress after upgrading. Unfortunately, I rely on these plug-ins to facilitate the layout present at this site.

Regardless, this will be addressed. A change needs to be made.

The awesome hosts of the Nearly Enough Dice podcast, Mike and Liz, invited me on their show for an interview. 

Our conversation mainly revolves around The Delvers, by which I mean we talk about the girls and their gaming more than myself. As it should be. After all, The Delvers are Kay, Sue and Tess, not me. I am just the Dungeon Master.

For those not familiar with the Nearly Enough Dice site, they put out a weekly podcast that covers role-playing games, video games, movies, and just anything “geeky.” Mike and Liz know how to put together a professional podcast. They are both extremely entertaining.

Also, Nearly Enough Dice is celebrating 1 year of podcasting. In celebration, they are holding a competition. To enter it all you have to do is comment on their Happy Birthday post. Besides, who doesn’t want to own a d20 with 54% chance that it was thrown by Liz in anger?

The orange and yellow glow of the torchlight mixed with the glowing blue light from the sapphire gems in the skulls of the undead skeletons.

Aria: Their gems give them life. Go for their gems.

The undead bones rattled in the silent halls of the Barrowmaze; the pillared hall echoed with sounds of combat.

Arnd, too weak to join, kept an eye on the other entrances. The dwarf dropped to the back aside the rotting carcass of the giant snake. He was joined by the canary who picked at maggots from the giant snake’s decaying flesh.

Sue: That’s so gross.
DM: I know. It’s making my skin crawl. I hate maggots.

The weapons of steel clashed against the rusting swords and shields carried by the six sapphire skeletons.

Kay: Missed again.
Tess: Just go for them. Stop aiming for the gems.
Kay: But that’s what’ll kill ‘em.
Tess: We have a better chance at hitting the gems, once they fall.
Kay: I don’t care. I’m going for the gem again.

Despite the encroaching chaos that made turning undead more difficult, it never occurred to the girls to have Arnd attempt this feat. I was not going to give Arnd the idea, but I did ask questions I knew the answers to.

DM: Arnd is up. Who is controlling him again?
Tess: Me.
DM: He’s just in the back?
Tess: He has 1 hit point. We aren’t putting him in the fight. He’ll keep watching the entryways.
DM: Okay.

Thinking in the heat of battle is different for a Dungeon Master. I do not have anything to lose. The players do.

Tess: Kay, you have 1 hit point left. Get to the back.
DM: That’ll allow a free attack from the sapphire skeleton she’s facing.
Kay: I can’t hit the gem from the back!
Baz: Move!

Sparks from a torch showered down around the druid as one of the torchbearers blocked a rusty sword strike meant for Aria. Henx then took Aria’s place on the front line.

Kay: Doesn’t our cleric have any healing spells?
DM: No. After being in that pit, he needs time to rest and pray.
Sea Axe: Prayer is for the weak.

Sea Axe let out a battle cry and continued to break the bones of the sapphire skeletons.

The light of the fire cast new shadows above the fireplace mantel. Hanging above the mantel, a large head of a giant ferocious looking owl screamed out in silence in The Winter Wolf.

Galem and Rhen drank at their table near the fireplace. Starlight quickly joined them as Alina and Circe surveyed the patrons. A group of farmers were gathered around the dwarves raising cups and cheering on their behalf.

Kay: The dwarves killed it!

Ask Mr. Owlbear

Looking back at the animal trophy, Alina and Circe realized this was no giant owl head. It was the head of an owlbear, slain by the two dwarves. It was the source of farmstead harassments of Eastbrook.

The rage in the owlbear’s dead eyes appeared to stare back at the celebrating farmers below it.

The girls had never heard of an owlbear. It was fun describing this creature to them for the first time.

Starlight: That thing is pretty cool.
Galem: Alive, it’ll crush you to death, if you’re not careful.
Starlight: Unless you’re too short to crush.
Galem: Look who’s talking.

Eastbrook Exposition

Circe went over to Yaen drinking at the bar.

Circe: What do you know about the Patriarch?
Yaen: He keeps to himself. Rude at times if you ask me. He seems to keep good company with Adessa and Horeth, but maybe that’s just a ruse to convert travelers to Pelor.
Circe: He does not serve Pelor.

Yaen cocked an eyebrow.

Circe: Did he help build Eastbrook with you?
Yaen: No. It was mainly the farmers that helped build Eastbrook. Actually, I would say we helped them, rather than they helped us. It’s a good area, near field, forest and mountain.
Circe: When was the temple built?
Yaen: Aren’t you a cleric there?
Circe: Humor me.
Yaen: The temple was constructed about 30 years ago. Built on top of the ruins of one of Alexis’ old towers. But, you’d know more about that than me.
Circe: No. Tilith never mentioned it.

Circe shared a pitcher of Whip Wine with Alina as they sat in thought.

Braggarts

After listening to the dwarves, Starlight shared stories from her travels back in Wyvern Falls. Standing, she pulled her leathers up to reveal her abdomen.

Starlight: This bite mark is from the wyvernling I fought. Neat, huh?

Downing the rest of his ale, Galem slammed his cup on the table and looked Starlight in the eyes.

Galem: I like you. Don’t get yourself killed.